Changes

Who like changes? I guess it depends on the type of change. To say that God presented some changes to my life in this past year would be an understatement. My 2018 brought saying goodbye to my mother as well as my mother-in-law. Bam!!! My daughters lost both their grandmothers within 8 months of each other. Talk about change.

A month before my mom passed away I was able to tell her I loved her, and that I was proud to be her daughter. She worried that she hadn’t “accomplished enough.” I replied with the reasoning  that she had  raised three Godly children that had secure marriages…..I’d say that was enough. The week before I lost my mother-in-law I was able to read the bible to her (she wasn’t able to see the words to  read) She asked me to write some things down for her, because she had lost the ability to write. I prayed with her and for her, as she prayed for me and my family. I helped her shower, dress, walk, and other activities that she was no longer able to do independently. It was a holy week. Two days before she passed, as we were getting ready to leave her house, I told her I loved her. I thanked her for raising a Godly son that I would marry, and I told her that I was proud to be her daughter-in-law.

As we closed the year to two deaths in our immediate  family, I couldn’t help but be aware that life changes so quickly. I can remember seasons in my life that were so difficult that I never thought  would end, but they did. God has reminded me that He gives and takes away.  My life circumstances may change, but He will not. In the midst of crisis, my family will choose to laugh and seek joy, even though it may take some time.

I am not praying for an easier 2019, I’m praying that I will continue to seek the Lord and pursue the instruction He has for me.  I am excited to see the changes of 2019, nothing can be the same.

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I cry at night

I’m breaking my rule about posting things in an emotional state.

I cry at night so that my girls don’t see me fall apart. I’m not a crier, I don’t enjoy it. I have an “ugly cry.” Mercy has always been my spiritual gift, and with the devastation that Harvey has brought, I feel the magnitude of people’s breaking hearts. My family got out of the path of the hurricane and retreated to nearby family. My husband traveled back to Rockport to help others in need. I am not myself without his presence.  We have served alongside through ministry, we have seen disaster in Haiti, and have been part of a team to help a sweet family in Guatemala. Never have we been on this side of disaster relief. I know my job is to bring peace & healing to my children, but I long to be in Rockport. My youngest child processed the fact today  that life may never be the same.  I held her as she cried, it was a holy moment. I am very thankful for family & friends that are ministering to my spirit. I am over whelmed at the out pouring of humanitarianism that I have witnessed on the news. No hate, no race, just humans helping other humans. Thank God for that.

I pray that humans keep being humans, that we love each other & help our neighbor the way Jesus would want us to do. “We are all God’s people” as my youngest child said today.

So I may cry at night, but I know His joy will come in the morning. I challenge myself to laugh and be silly with my children tomorrow.

Working for Good

I love lists, always have always will. They serve a purpose. Sometimes they rank importance, sometimes they are reminders, others are for reflection. I made a list this morning just because I wanted to.

Things I like:

  1. Good coffee
  2. Homeschooling
  3. Harry Potter
  4. walking on the beach
  5. Being a mother

Things I don’t like:

  1. Seafood
  2. Cancer
  3. Finishing Harry Potter (What will I do???)
  4. Feeling inadequate
  5. Being a mother

Ill be honest, I have no idea what God is doing in my life. I know He is challenging me, but I wish He would stop (can I get an amen) God has given us passions to pursue, if we are lucky we learn how to take these passions and invest them in God’s kingdom. God also gives us challenges or hurdles to overcome and reveal His glory. In the seasons of doubt, mistrust, or confusion we have to constantly remind ourselves that He is working for the greater good. This life is busy & sometimes a very lonely place, but I have to choose to see the beauty that God has blessed me with. He is working for the greater good in me.

 

Homesick

Homesick – the distress of impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from home. In the process of grieving for my grandmother many emotions that were expected came.  The  emotion of loss but joy for knowing that she’s with Jesus. One emotion I was not anticipating that hit me suddenly during worship at my church was the feeling of being homesick for heaven. Don’t get me wrong being a follower of Christ I have always been excited about being in Christ’s presence, but this emotion was different. It was a beautiful reminder that this broken world is not my home. No wonder I struggle so much this side of heaven. I think that the busyness and responsibilities that I have, have become a priority. Being able to slow down this past week with spring break has been rewarding to my soul. As I write this (during my pastor’s sermon) he stated “To stay focused on the goal.” James reminds us to be patient until the Lords coming. So what’s my goal – to bring God glory in my daily living. I must love the one God has placed in my life. I am to encourage the  downhearted, to be a loving and supportive wife, to teach and lead my children to live a holy life in a broken world.I love my family and friends – but I anxiously await for my home. Jesus, come quickly.